1). Fake pregnancy.
2). Fake cancer diagnosis.
3). Participate in CIA plot to topple Nicaraguan government, inciting full-scale revolution.
4). Find magician or demi-god to inflict crippling natural disaster on Nicaragua.
5). Ask a random millionaire via YouTube to simply pay my boyfriend not to leave. (Sure, Pete is awfully 'noble' but everyone has their price).
If I have missed any really obvious solutions to my 27-month problem, be sure to comment below. However let's try and maintain some level of elegance to this. Obviously, hiring a Mafia King to break both of his legs with a baseball bat would achieve my ultimate goal, but I'm aiming to keep our young do-gooder in one piece.
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I'd break his legs for free. Just tell the government you aren't quite sure he was born in the US and he needs to prove he's an American citizen. That has seemed to work lately. Note: Steal birth certificate first.
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